Lifestyle #10: The Flask

Say for some reason you weren’t able to stay at home and some girl dragged you out to Rose Bar or whatever with the jobbies. The girls order cosmos or whatever it is girls drink, and the bros are downing double-shots of bro-sauce. Your “friends” are picking up rounds left and right – pretty soon it’s going to be your turn to take on the dreaded $70 tab. This could easily spell disaster.

But you had the foresight to bring a flask!

You take out your flask and pass it around, telling everyone that this flask–monogrammed, obviously, and bought off Ebay!–belonged to your grandfather, who was some famous Salingerian New Yorky half-WASP, even though you are full-time Jewish–who gives a shit, you could be Hindu! You claim that you would go get everyone drinks, it’s just that the bar is so fucking crowded–isn’t this easier? The girls are left shaking their heads at what a classy guy you are. The bros are jealous of your seemingly endless supply of the sauce. The flask is an incredibly easy way to exude class while simultaneously–and secretly– maintaining cheapness.

As a bonus, you can put cheap, well whiskey inside and tell everyone it’s Johnny Walker Black. No one will know the difference, because all flask-alcohol tastes disgustingly similar. Just beware of bouncers, who will kick you out of the bar for bringing in outside alcohol, and of your friend’s friend Melanie, whom everyone knows has mouth-herpes.