Poor Rich Kids

Lifestyle #11:THROWING HOUSE PARTIES

Posted in Lifestyle Advice by thepoors on April 17, 2009

2177736670_4924c10474So these days, what with the RECESSION and all, even jobbies are throwing cheap-o parties! Instead of the typical let’s-go-to-a-fancy-restaurant-and-then- split-the-bill-and-make-you-pay-$80- even-though-you-didn’t-order-anything- parties, they’re going to “dive bars” and buying “cheap beer.” Here are some REAL-LIFE INVITES to jobby parties:

dont you miss thursday nights at the [redacted]? what about bipolar bartenders (not [redacted] of course)? for all you recessionistas come join me for my birthday for $8 pitchers because lets face it, these days none of you can afford $20 vodka tonics on the lower east side.

AND:

In This Economy

Forget $15 haute cocktails

Lines of bridge and tunnelers & bouncers who rule the scene

Come celebrate my 25th with me at the dive of all dives in [redacted]. There will be cheap drinks, sandwiches and freeze dance!

You can obviously parlay this microtrend to your advantage. Say it’s your birthday, an event you haven’t celebrated since, like, college. Throw a HOUSE PARTY (actually, say it’s a HIPSTER DANCE PARTY, which will make all the jobbies feel jealous because they have their parties in shitty BARS), promise all those recessionistas CHEAP BEER, and then PRETEND THAT YOU’RE ALL OUT OF BOOZE BY THE TIME THEY GET THERE. Obliging jobbies will go to the nearest bodega and pick up an entire case of Magic Hat because that’s what they think the poor kids drink. Everyone gets drunk and has fun, and you’ve managed to celebrate another year of non-accomplishment for free. It’s win-win-win. You might even get laid, but oh wait, you sleep on a fucking ratty mattress.

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4 Responses

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  1. harry said, on April 17, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    three words: BRILL EE ENT

  2. anonymous said, on April 20, 2009 at 11:14 am

    pure death.

  3. p@r@noid said, on April 23, 2009 at 5:49 am

    House party is always a great idea, atleast it works for me

  4. kailee said, on May 2, 2009 at 7:47 am

    i have an idea! you should throw a party TONIGHT!!


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