Poor Rich Kids

Dear Unemployed Friend Presents: Back in the Saddle

Posted in "career paths", Letters from an Employed Friend by laurbelle2 on March 29, 2009

workplace-hell

When a PRK decides it’s time to buck up and get back to the workplace, conflicting emotions can arise. Thoughts may be troubled. Situations may be sticky. And I don’t even mean that nasty freight elevator that you take up the shared office space where your new Craigslist-found job is housed. As an Employed Ally of PRK, I thought it would behoove me to share some insights with you regarding those those first few weeks back as a cog in the good ole fashioned working wheel of America.

Disclaimer: I am 4 months back in action and still frequently harbor these thoughts.

1. While in bathroom (your 4th bathroom break of the day, just to avoid hyperventilating at your cubicle): Should I take some of these extra toilet paper rolls home with me?

2. In aforementioned claustrophobic/chinese food reeking cubicle: Free staples, too?!

3. While in cafeteria with your new work “friends”: FREE FORKS & KNIVES?? HOLY SHIT WORKING IS AWESOME!!!

4. After your 4th meeting of the day to discuss “brand initiatives”: so wait, trolling facebook and gmail for 45 minutes isn’t considered graphic design work? How else am I supposed to get inspired and free up brain space?

5. FREE LONG DISTANCE CALLING!?!?

6. Do you think I can get high from all of this white-out?

7. What’s up with Karl’s BO?

8. I wonder if Karl has a girlfriend?  Is he wearing a wedding ring or is that bro-riffic tribal jewelry?

douche-bag

8. Do unicorns really exist?

9. What does “brand initiative” mean?

You get the idea, my aspiringly industrious friends.  Work is hard work.  It’s confusing.  It’s larceny-inducing.  I wish you good luck.

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Dear Unemployed Friend, part deux

Posted in Letters from an Employed Friend by laurbelle2 on February 27, 2009

Dear Unemployed Friend,

How’s it going? How was the matinee screening of “Two Lovers” yesterday? Or did you just download it? Seeing that you have a bit more free time on your hands these days, I thought that maybe you could swing by my office and give me that $35 you owe me? Remember? From that dinner at Al di La last month when the 6 of us went out and you “forgot” to bring your wallet? Thanks. Also, can I have my balsamic vinegar back? You “borrowed” it last week when we cooked dinner at your house, and I’ve run out of ways to politely imply that I need it back. It was $12 at Citarella. I bought it for this amazing citrus salad that I first had in East Hampton last summer. Too bad you couldn’t make it out that weekend–the Jitney was all sold out! You really must book earlier this year–since you now have unlimited access to the internet, that really shouldn’t be a problem again.Oh, and one last thing–can you PLEASE stop stealing my New Yorkers??!

Thanks a mil.

Yours truly,

McJoberina

balsamic1

Letter From an Employed Friend #1

Posted in Letters from an Employed Friend by laurbelle2 on February 9, 2009

Dear Unemployed Friend,

I lurv you. You make my days as a gainfully employed young lady so much more FUN. I email you, you respond within minutes. You are always on gchat. You can always meet me for a cigarette at 2:43 pm on a Wednesday. You will happily get shitfaced with me on a Monday night for no good reason (as long as I’m paying). You make me feel good about my fashion choices:

workinggirl2

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You always know which bar has free food from 7-9 pm. You stand in line for the free movie screenings and give me your +1. Whenever I mention you, my parents suddenly become very proud of me. You rock my world, unemployed friend. I will happily not abort your baby should we ever choose to have class warfare and “merge and acquire” the employed and unemployed worlds.

Love,
Your friend, the slightly less downwardly mobile daughter of the revolution