Poor Rich Kids

And Now For Something Completely Different

Posted in Uncategorized by thepoors on July 24, 2009
nerdOne of the advantages of the PRK lifestyle is that you have literally a TON of time to wallow in adderall-fueled mind-melds (though truth be told, you’re probably selling your ‘scrip for some cash). Here’s a REAL-LIFE EXAMPLE of what happens when you’ve scored some ‘rall and you’re so bored you write an essay with EVERY SINGLE WORD the New York Times thinks is too difficult for jobbies to understand:

In a Sisyphean endeavour of verbal epistemology, I attempt to create a microcosmic bildungsroman sui generis. Why engage in such a saturnine task?

I have a GRE on Saturday and studying has thus far been inchoate so I decided to amalgamate the words most often looked up from NYT articles to rant a little. I’m not in the habit of “writing,” for fear my abilities at the craft would lead to abject penury, but long on time, here’s an apotheosis of abstruseness.

It has come to most everyone’s attention that the comity of Ivy leaguers with two years of less-than-recondite experience in finance is as fungible as the markets’ commodities… and has declined as precipitously in value. The appurtenance of a high-paying job or a prestigious role at a non-profit have blown away like phlogiston. So we now glut the streets like over-educated bonobos in contretemps suffering from our hand-crafted Atreus’s revenge in the form of a financial debacle.

I learned about Schadenfreude from Ms Pettingill in 8th grade English. I learned it again when I saw the high-school bully chortle as he kissed my prom date. My adenoidal pleas to lure her back were feckless. I was an ersatz even though I didn’t know what that meant. Now, when I speak with my parent’s friends and tell them of my tales on “wall street” I recognize my high-school pal Schaddy again, and its a reminder that the parlous state of our economy won’t turn until those smirks are gone.

Thus far I’ve had an, um… peripatetic career. I think “jack of a few trades master of fewer (trades are countable?)” is the modified banal shibboleth I’m looking for. My sartorial taste rivals the apocryphal youngest brother’s hand-me-down closet, so I haven’t blown my meager saving yet. But like many of my generation I sit contemplating my next move, reading, listening to, and watching the news.

The paroxysm of apoplectic headlines on the swine flu pandemic and the global recession suggests those responsible for providing the “news” are as solipsistic as the dauphin’s consoling words to his ailing father. The risible fact is that their fealty to truth is outmatched by the sanguine joy garnered from higher ratings and traffic. Lest I provide no point (and I have one?) in my peroration, underneath my obfuscating prevarication is a idealistic desire. Over time, I hope my generation develops more sumptuary tastes and enervates the hedonistic profligacy of the early 2000’s. Of course, I’m not expecting hagiography to replace banking, but if the greatest generation came out of the now antediluvian Great Depression, what will do we want to be called when we come out of GD 2.0? I bet we can do better.

Of course, as the grand nephew of a devout neologist (there’s a booming industry with little outsourcing), I propose we create a term for words that are both harder to pronounce and longer than their meaning. Antediluvian is both more letters and syllables than “out-of-date” suggesting using it in an attempt to appear laconic, is louche as best and at worst makes the interlocutor a douche. Hopefully we’ll leave it behind when we find a word for “better than greatest” and become that generation.

Don’t you wish you had more quality time on YOUR hands?

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Lifestyle #8: Pork Tacos

Posted in Lifestyle Advice, Uncategorized by thepoors on March 17, 2009

pork_shoulder_picnic_42kb

Jobby types are always saying “time is money, dammit steve, TIME IS MONEY!” or some such bullshit. Maybe in a world where you are paid $400/hour to read emails or whatever it is those people do when they are “at the office” time is money, but for the PRK time is mostly, well, time. So while expensing sushi actually makes sense if you are planning to spend the next three hours earning $1200 to read Bloomberg, snort blow, and masturbate in the handicap bathroom, the PRK must find other solutions for dinner. Fear not, in a world where time is absolutely meaningless…fuck it: this shit will take a while, but it is super cheap and way delicious.

THE PRK ROAST PORK TACO:

1/2 pork butt/shoulder — $3.79

this is sold at fancy butcher shops as pork butt, but at the Bravo supermarket on 128th and St. Nicholas its labeled plainly as pork shoulder and sells for $1.69/lb.

Olive oil — $0.15

Though not generally considered cheap, you rarely need very much. Like Vogue Magazine might say about an absurdly priced YSL bag — consider some decent oil an investment piece.

2 carrots —  $0.10

1 onion — negligible

2 cups old wine/1 half-drunk Presidente — $0.65–$1.75.

two cups of wine may seem like an expense until I tell you that super cheep wine is not only OK, but will actually be great, because all the extra sugar will work wonders on your cut. Half a beer is a) cheep b) the second half is a little gift to yourself for being so diligent.

1 bay leaf —  $0.06

If you are anything like us, your roommate bought a huge box of these for some notion that may or may not have panned out. And no one minds you taking one of their bay leaves because no one can imagine going through an entire box of bay leaves. They really up-sell you on that, don’t they?

1 glug apple cider vinegar — $0.06

1 tbsp chilli black bean paste —  $0.12

chilibeanpaste-707505

Admittedly an odd thing to have in your fridge–and I would only use this if I already had some–but I highly recommend keeping some around. You can get it all over Chinatown and it can do wonders on nights when your fridge and cupboards are looking particularly empty.

2 tbsp tomato paste — $0.06

Learning how to keep stuff in your fridge is a good skill that keeps on giving, teach a man to fish and all that. You can buy tomato paste in big cans and save it in a plastic take-away container for over a month.

salt and pepper — if you dont have salt and pepper, then this recipe may not be for you.

tap water.

small corn tortillas — 20 for $0.75
TOTAL: $5.99

On the stove top, in a dutch oven or any pot that can go both on the stove and in the oven, heat up the olive oil just until it starts to smoke. Put in the pork fat side down and toast until the skin starts to brown and crackle. Deglaze the pan with wine/beer, meaning pour in the alcohol and scrape the sides of the pot so that all crispy meat bits end up in the broth.

Meanwhile, preheat your oven to 275 degrees.

Dice carrots and onions, and add the rest of the ingredients to the pot. Fill the pot with water until the roast is covered about 3/4. Make sure at this point that the fat/skin side is up. place the lid on the pot and place the whole kit into the oven. SET IT AND FORGET IT. Every now and again check on it, flipping the roast over, every couple of hours. Do this for 3 to 7 hours. As a PRK this should be no problem because most likely you are at home working or just plain avoiding spending any money.

When the meat is done braising (touch it, it should be getting soft) put the shoulder, fat side up, into a roasting pan and place back in the oven, basting with the braising liquid as the broth slowly becomes gravy on the stove. If you don’t have the time to do this all at once, its fine to stop and start again, especially in between the braising and the roasting. At this temperature, with constant basting the meat can cook almost indefinitely.

When the meat is so tender that it starts to fall off the bone, its done. Take a fork and knife to the roast and pull it apart, place a few ladles (there won’t be much more left after its cooked down) the gravy liquid over the pulled meat. Your done! Keep this in a Tupperware, it can be heated up by the spoonful in a frying pan, but definitely try at least one taco when it first comes out the oven.

Place your small tortilla directly over the flame on your oven or toast in  small frying pan. Fill with pork and gravy — dont ignore the fat and skin, but a little bit goes a long way.

For $0.30 per you have just made a perfectly cooked pork taco. For an extra treat and a dime added, fry up an egg-over-medium, throw it in and call it breakfast.

DEAR UNEMPLOYED FRIEND

Posted in Uncategorized by laurbelle2 on March 5, 2009

HEY YOU–

QUIT BOTHERING ME ABOUT WRITING IN ALL CAPS.  I’M WORKING ON THIS VERY IMPORTANT EXCEL SPREADSHEET AND CANNOT BE HASSLED WITH SWITCHING BACK TO LOWERCASE.  DEAL WITH IT. YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST LOOKING AT INTERNET PORN OR SELLING SOMETHING ON CRAIGSLIST ANYWAY.  GET A JOB, JERK.

LOVE,

YOU KNOW WHO

this-spreadsheet

Things We Tell Our Parents’ Friends

Posted in Uncategorized by thepoors on February 6, 2009

graduate

It’s always embarrassing when the children of the upwardly mobile are forced to explain their own downward mobility to their parents’ friends. Has this ever happened to you?

“oh hey Mr. Friedman how are you” / “great jonah so what have you been up to” / “oh you know college” / “didn’t you graduate three years ago” / “sort of yeah” / “what have you been doing” / “i saw a movie last week it was pretty good”

Congratulations. You have just admitted to Mr. Friedman that you are an unemployed hobo.

Poor Rich Kids

Posted in Uncategorized by thepoors on February 6, 2009
Hobos

Hobos

Welcome to the world of the downwardly mobile. Our parents had a bit of money; some of our friends have a bit as well. But we, well, we’re sort of broke. Hell, we’re so broke the recession didn’t even affect us! Anticipating a flood of recruits to our underemployed ranks, we’ve decided to share some of our secrets with the more fortunate.

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