Career Path #3: “Writing” / “Journalism”

The thing about being a “writer” is that you do not actually have to do any writing. If you freelanced an article in the Village Voice several years ago or worked on your college newspaper or once published a Letter-to-the-Editor in the New York Times, you’re a “journalist.” If you put up a blog post within the last 24 months and at least three and a half people read it, you’re a “blogger” (that’s what we are: “bloggers”). If you got stoned last week and thought of an amazing idea for a movie, you’re a “screenwriter.” If you published a short story back in college in the campus lit-mag, you’re a “novelist.” In case of emergency, “being a writer” may include that list of errands you made three months ago in your otherwise pristine and unwritten-in Moleskine. Regardless, this is the perfect way to pretend to your family and friends that you are actually doing something while you stay at home and eat rice and beans.

Being a writer provides you with infinite time and flexibility: you don’t have to publish anything, ever, because that Great American Novel of yours requires work, hard work, and obviously it’s going to take you a long time to not write it. And when you finish not writing it, you can always go to graduate school and get an MFA so you can finally do some writing. Living in the city as a “writer” was just so distracting!